The Useless Konohagakure Hospital
by PeinKunx
Summary: A fight on the ceiling, an escaped patient, and a severely injured one working out in the garden - what is the secret of this hospital? Why is it so bad? Rated T - occasional swear words
1. 1: Konohagakure's Clinical Mystery

**A/N: Hi everyone! Welcome to my new story - it's a little different to what I normally write about, because it's not Akatsuki related, but I hope it's still enjoyable!**

**Chapter 1: Konohagakure's Clinical Mystery**

Tsunade sat in her office, signing random sheets of paper Shizune preferred to call "paperwork". She was alone, because Shizune had chosen to take a break after a hectic day of running after Tsunade on one of her gambling parties, and there was no alcohol to keep her company either. Tsunade was bored, and placed her pen down. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes.

"Oink."

Tsunade's eyes snapped open to see Tonton's ugly face hovering far too close to her own. Tsunade gritted her teeth.

"Tonton, get off the table," Tsunade ordered.

The pig didn't move an inch.

"I said, _get off the table_," Tsunade scowled.

"Oink," Tonton replied in defiance.

Tsunade grabbed her pig and placed it on the floor. She only accepted Tonton standing on the desk in the canon series, and that was only because it gave her good publicity. It made her seem friendlier with animals, but the pig prints on the desk at the end of the day never seemed worth it, and they were the one thing Shizune didn't want to clean up, especially since it was questionable as to where the pig had been.

"Anyway, what do you want?" Tsunade asked her pig.

"Oink," Tonton squeaked. _[Someone else has walked out of the hospital, or so I've heard.]_

Tsunade frowned. "What? Again? How come people always leave that place without anyone noticing?"

Tonton shrugged, but then looked sly. "Oink, oink…" _[Perhaps you ought to investigate…]_

Tsunade rubbed her chin in the same manner as a man with a long beard might as she contemplated Tonton's words. It was about time she inspected Konohagakure's facilities. The last time she'd inspected anything was… well… she'd never bothered. Perhaps she ought to.

"These events seem to be repetitive," Tsunade mused. "First Rock Lee, and then Sasuke. Not to mention there was that massive fight between Sasuke and Naruto on the roof that one time…"

"Oink?" Tonton asked, somehow sitting on the desk again. _[What are you going to do?]_

Tsunade pushed the pig off the desk. Tonton tried grabbing on, but because she had no fingers, her and some papers fell off the desk.

"I guess I'll go and inspect," she mused.

Tonton thought for a moment. "Oink, oink…" _[Maybe you should try questioning Rock Lee and Naruto…]_

Tsunade frowned. "You know, that might actually be a good idea, especially since Sasuke isn't here anymore…"

Tonton nodded approvingly. "Oink?" _[Can I come?]_

Tsunade shrugged. "Of course you can."

Tsunade stood and walked. She wasn't as nice as Shizune, so didn't pick Tonton up. Personally, she expected Tonton to always walk as well, just so she didn't get lazy. Besides, she didn't want her clothes getting dirty either, and because the cameras weren't out for the canon, she didn't need to pretend she was _that _close with Tonton...

"Oink? Oink?" Tonton asked. _[Who are we aiming for first? Naruto or Lee?]_

"I think we'll go for Naruto first," Tsunade nodded. "I know him better, so I think I already know where he is. He'll also be easier to persuade."

Just thinking about Lee's Gai-like determination made her shudder. Tsunade approached Ichiraku's Ramen and wasn't surprised to see Naruto downing a bowl of ramen there. She approached without hesitation. She smiled as she sat down, and Tonton climbed onto the seat on his other side. Naruto's defences shot up like a round of fireworks.

"Hey, Naruto," Tsunade said, ordering three bowls of ramen.

"Grandma Tsunade," he said carefully. "What do you need?"

"What do I need?" Tsunade laughed. "What makes you think I need something?"

Teuchi placed a bowl in front of Tsunade, a bowl in front of Naruto and a bowl in front of Tonton.

"Because you willingly bought me a bowl of ramen," Naruto dragged out the word "willingly" and narrowed his eyes.

"Well, if you put it like that," Tsunade chuckled. "I suppose I could ask you a question."

Now Naruto really was confused. He didn't even get a chance to answer before Tsunade spoke.

"How come no one noticed you and Sasuke go to the roof for a battle?" she asked.

Naruto swallowed. He was too shocked to even eat his ramen. That was something. Tsunade waited. Naruto looked like a deer caught in headlights, and yet, when he looked back at the ramen, he seemed to be thinking. However, it did prove that there was something going on with the Konohagakure hospital. It must've been rats. Rats was always the reason...

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said lamely.

"Of course you do, Naruto," Tsunade changed her attitude to make herself more intimidating. "You look like you're lying."

Naruto forced a grin. "I'm not lying."

"I know you're lying."

He leaned away. "I just said I wasn't."

"Oink," he flinched away from Tonton on his other side. _[It's obvious.]_

"It's more than obvious," Tsunade agreed.

Naruto's brow furrowed. "Did you just talk to your pig?"

Tsunade paused and then frowned. "No."

Naruto smiled, as if he was in power. "Yes, you did."

Tsunade narrowed her eyes. "A liar will always change the subject."

Naruto tilted his head. "Yes, she will."

They stayed that way for a moment. Teuchi coughed and then Tsunade leaned back.

"Very well, I want you to summon Rock Lee here," Tsunade said. "He'll tell me."

"Bushy Brows won't tell you," Naruto said, as Teuchi grabbed some paper and a pen.

"Just. Write," Tsunade growled.

Naruto swallowed and then started scribbling down on the paper. Tonton took the paper in her mouth and raced off. Tsunade and Naruto at in awkward silence. She knew she could get the information out of Lee. He was more noble than Naruto and would confess to doing something wrong to the Hokage. Surely. She tried not to think of his Gai-like determination to hide secrets, and rather explain matters.

Naruto's hand trembled.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me?" Tsunade asked.

He shook his head. She narrowed her eyes, trying to use fear the way Yamato did.

"Positive?" she asked.

"I'm sure," he said, eyes wide. "But… Grandma Tsunade… why do you want to know now?"

"Why do I want to know what now?"

"The… thing… about the… hospital…"

"What thing about the hospital?"

"Why are you answering my questions with questions?"

"Am I?"

"Yes…" he frowned. "Yes, you are…"

"Why do you think that is?" Tsunade narrowed her eyes.

"It's the type of technique a psychiatrist would use to get information about a person who's been through a personal trauma," Naruto blinked.

Tsunade furrowed her brow. "Why do you think I'm using that technique?"

"I don't know, but I want you to stop…" he said, unsure.

"Why do you want me stop?"

"Because it's weird," he said.

"How is it weird?" she asked.

"I don't know… it just…" he trailed off.

"Lady Hokage, and Naruto, I have arrived in good speed," Lee announced, leaping into the seat beside Tsunade.

Tonton returned and sat beside Naruto.

"Excellent," Tsunade grinned maliciously.


	2. 2: The Mystery Deepens

**A/N: So the reason this story is coming out relatively quickly is to make up for my last one (The Anti Waiting Rule) since the readers of that story had to wait months for the last chapter to be released!**

**Chapter 2: The Mystery Deepens**

Lee remained seated in his chair, his large brows furrowed and his body trembling as much as Naruto's as Tsunade paced and gave them both intense stares, the ramen untouched for once and slowly getting colder.

"Why am I here, Naruto?" Lee asked nervously.

"To answer my questions," Tsunade growled.

Lee cringed away. "Whatever you say, Lady Tsunade."

Tsunade smirked. Her intimidation tactics were working. Lee trembled like a leaf. Not a leaf ninja, but a leaf.

"How did you walk out of the hospital without getting noticed?" Tsunade asked.

"I-I genuinely do not understand what you're talking about," Lee whimpered.

"Oh, but you do," Tsunade said and Naruto narrowed his eyes in thought. "You're lying."

"No – please," Lee frowned. "I would not lie about something so trivial."

"I know you're lying," Tsunade prompted.

Lee cringed. "No, I am not."

"Oink, oink," Tonton said smartly. _[Naruto said exactly the same thing. You might as well be admitting you're a liar.]_

"Exactly, because we know Naruto lied," Tsunade peered closely at Lee.

Naruto and Lee frowned.

"Lady Tsunade, I am fairly sure you just spoke to your pig," Lee pointed out, the fear evaporating.

"Could you guys stop changing the subject?" Tsunade snapped. They both cringed away.

There was a long silence and Naruto appeared to be contemplating.

"Bushy Brows, she'll try using the Psychiatric Technique next," he then said to Lee.

Tsunade scowled. That was exactly what she'd been planning on doing next, but she didn't want to seem predictable, so she'd have to think of something new. Her mind turned to what she knew best.

"I wasn't," she roared and slammed her hands down on the table, glaring into Lee's eyes. "I was going to use my _Violent Technique_."

Lee's eyes grew rounder. "I am fairly sure that is illegal, but I will counter it with my Silent Technique."

"And I'll use my Furious Technique," Tsunade bellowed.

"But I'll also use _my _Silent Technique," Naruto picked on.

"Oink," Tonton frowned. _[This is getting nowhere.]_

"And we will both use our Evasive Technique," Lee added.

"Oink." _[This isn't working!]_

"But I'll use my Barrier-Break Technique to crush your defences," Tsunade ignored the pig. "As well as my Reveal Technique to learn the truth."

"But we'll both use a Self-Destruct Technique to avoid your Reveal Technique!" Naruto cried.

Both him and Lee rolled off their seats and played possum on the ground. Tsunade stood, furious and defeated.

"And I'll intervene before anyone actually _does _get destroyed."

Tsunade turned her head and looked at Kakashi Hatake, leaning against the building and looking at the scene with his usual nonchalance.

"Kakashi," Tsunade calmed herself. "Hi."

"Good afternoon, Lady Hokage," Kakashi shrugged. "Upon witnessing this scene, we should talk."

Tsunade frowned, but walked alongside Kakashi, leaving Naruto and Lee behind. Tonton trotted alongside them. Tsunade looked at Kakashi.

"What are they hiding about the hospital that I can't know, Kakashi?" she asked. "Are you in on it?"

"Technically, but that's only because I figured it out…" Kakashi said. "I suspect it's the same with Sakura and Jiraiya, and maybe Gai."

"Are you saying they're the people I ought to be questioning?" Tsunade thought for a moment. "Jiraiya will be easy once I pay some random woman to seduce him. But I would never suspect my own student would lie to me, so maybe I should threaten to cut off her training and she'd tell me..."

"That wasn't what I meant," Kakashi said uneasily, but patiently. "I meant you should just take a look at the hospital yourself. It is one of the many duties of being Hokage."

"Why don't you try being Hokage?" Tsunade huffed.

"Because I'm good at getting out of things like that," Kakashi said. "But I'm trying to give you advice on what you should do, just as Shizune would if she were here."

"Oink," Tonton snapped. _[I give advice that's just as good as yours, Kakashi Hatake.]_

"She's right," Tsunade said pointedly. "She's been giving me advice this whole time."

Kakashi looked at Tsunade and Tonton for a very long time. "Right."

He dragged out the one word for what felt like a minute. Tsunade pulled a face. She knew that Kakashi didn't believe her, because he couldn't understand Tonton like she could, but she was sure that Kakashi would've agreed with Tonton's advice this whole time anyway. She herself normally didn't agree with Tonton, but the mystery about the hospital had drawn the two together.

"Back to the point…" Kakashi (probably) frowned from underneath his face mask. "What I'm saying is trying to get information from any of them isn't going to work."

"But why not?" Tsunade frowned. "I'm not going to close down the hospital. I just want to _improve_ it."

Kakashi looked up at the sky. "Three years ago they made a pact."

"What, Jiraiya? Making a pact?" Tsunade laughed. "As if."

"He didn't _make _it, he _joined _it," Kakashi looked at her. "Three years ago, Naruto, Sasuke and Lee made a pact between them about that hospital which just so happens to be the answer you're looking for."

"Can't you just tell me what it is?" Tsunade asked.

"Not really," Kakashi said.

For such a sensible man, he could be the most annoying person on the planet sometimes. If Tsunade wasn't with her better senses, she would've given in to the temptation of beating the answers from him. But that would probably be illegal, according to Lee.

Tsunade was fairly sure that a lot of her methods were illegal to Lee.

"Why not?" Tsunade asked through gritted teeth.

"Because," he began. "When I figured out what that pact was, I, too, joined the pact. Technically."

"Why 'technically'?" Tsunade asked. "If you're just a technical member to this 'pact', then, technically, you're not grounded by the same rules."

"Who said?" Kakashi said breezily.

"Logic?" Tsunade shrugged.

"I'm only a technical member to the pact because they don't know that I know," he said. "However, that doesn't mean I can go around spreading other people's secrets. That would be immoral."

"I won't tell them; they don't have to know that you knew what they know and told me," Tsunade beamed.

"You're answers don't lie with me, Lady Hokage," Kakashi said wisely. "They lie in the hospital."

Tsunade had had enough. She strode past in the direction of the Hokage Manor, making sure to stomp on his foot as she did.

"Have a good evening," he grumbled, limping in the other direction.


	3. 3: The Plan

**A/N: Hey all - the next instalment is here! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 3: The Plan**

Tsunade drummed her fingers on her desk the next morning, wondering how she, the most well-known face in Konohagakure, would inspect the hospital without being noticed. Shizune yawned and entered room.

"How was your day yesterday?" she asked. "You went to bed at nine with no empty bottles in sight and a full purse, so I assume it didn't go well."

"Someone escaped from the hospital," Tsunade muttered. "They didn't even notice. I've just learnt that Kakashi, Naruto, Lee, Sasuke, Jiraiya and even Sakura know what the deal with the hospital is, and yet, I still have to go there and see for myself."

"Well, it can't hurt, can it?" Shizune laughed nervously.

Both Tsunade and Tonton gave Shizune a long look. She swallowed and then broke into a grimace.

"Oink!" Tonton yelled. _[That traitor knows what the pact is and has never told us this whole time!]_

Shizune cringed away. "I'm so sorry, Lady Tsunade," she lowered her head. "But it's true; I, too, am held to the Konohagakure Hospital Pact. I can't tell you what it is, but I can still advise you on what you should do…"

Tsunade frowned. "How can I trust you?"

"It's not that you're not allowed to know," Shizune protested. "It's just; none of us are allowed to say what it is!"

Tsunade thought for a moment, and then shrugged. "Go on then."

Shizune licked her lips nervously. "I would say you need to personally go to the hospital and investigate."

"That's exactly what Kakashi said," Tsunade sulked.

"I see; I suspected he was a KH Technical Member," she mused. "Either way, he's right."

"But how?" Tsunade frowned. "Everyone knows what I look like."

"You'll have to disguise yourself as me," Shizune lowered her head. "As a KH Pact Member, I'm more involved with the KH Pact itself as well as the other members."

Tsunade narrowed her eyes. This was starting to sound like an organisation more evil and far more dangerous than the Akatsuki. And to think Shizune was a part of it.

"Very well," Tsunade said. "What do you say I should do?"

Shizune frowned. "I can only give you technical advice, so, that, technically, you could pretend to be me and then associate yourself with the other KH Pact Members there, as well as spying on the hospital's other activities. Technically, you could also try and look at the security camera's previous recordings."

Tsunade smiled to herself. "You're right. Technically, I could do that and you wouldn't get in trouble because you only gave me technical advice."

Shizune smiled. "Yeah. That's about right."

Tsunade nodded in approval. "What about Tonton?"

"She's smaller and less noticeable," Shizune said. "Technically, she could do some surveillance work whilst you distract people."

Tsunade nodded and gave Tonton a high five. Shizune smiled at them both.

"Good luck, you two," she said as Tsunade and Tonton raced out the door.

Tsunade used a Transform jutsu to become Shizune and then continued to race down to the hospital for a day of work. She broke through the doors and took a deep breath and then looked around the lobby. Everyone was staring at her.

There was a nurse of particular interest. Although she looked plain, for some reason she took Tsunade's notice. The receptionist did as well. She was a young, pretty girl with blonde hair and very big, very blue eyes. She was fairly tall as well. She was also a person of interest.

When Tsunade went up to the front desk to sign in she looked up. She had a name plate which read "Kaori".

"Hey, Shizune," she beamed. "I'm so glad you're in today. For a moment, I thought you weren't going to make it in today. How's Tsunade?"

"I-Tsunade's fine," she said. "So am I."

"That's great," Kaori said, pushing forwards a signing in sheet. Tsunade copied one of Shizune's earlier signatures. "Have a good day!"

"I'll try," Tsunade said, not understanding Kaori's enthusiasm.

She was one of those annoyingly friendly receptionists. No wonder Tsunade didn't visit this place. One look at Kaori would've been enough to send her flying back out, had she not been there with a purpose. Tsunade pushed the signature sheet back to Kaori and walked into the main body of the hospital. Tsunade watched everything and everyone with a critical gaze until she stumbled across Sakura.

"Oh, hey Shizune," Sakura smiled as she wheeled a tray past. "How are you? I mean, it must be exhausting traipsing after Lady Tsunade when she's in one of those gambling moods."

Tsunade wondered how frequently Sakura and Shizune spoke about her together. Her blood boiled but she forced a poker face - she was very good at poker faces.

"Yeah," she forced a laugh. "Exhausting."

"Hey, I heard that yesterday, Lady Tsunade questioned Naruto and Lee about the KH Pact," Sakura said quietly, and they started slowly walking down the corridor.

This interested Tsunade. "Yeah, she came back unsuccessful though… Lucky that…"

Sakura nodded. "If Lady Tsunade were to discover the KH Pact, she'd be so mad at us."

"She would," Tsunade mumbled.

"You seem distant," Sakura stated. "Are you sure you're OK?"

Tsunade nodded. "Yeah, I'm still tired."

"Hey, if you get too tired, you can just head on home and I'll fill in for you," Sakura beamed.

"Don't worry about me," Tsunade smiled.

Sakura wheeled her tray past, still smiling. Tsunade watched her go and then walked to the security room to check for those camera tapes Shizune mentioned. She peered inside and then looked around. Tsunade walked in and locked the door behind her. She checked each shelf, hoping that one of them would eventually be the video tapes.

She jumped when she heard voices nearby. She neared the door and listened. It was Sakura, Naruto and Lee.

"Sakura!" Naruto called. "We've just had the most awful news."

"What is it?" Sakura asked. "And keep your voice down, Naruto. This is a hospital."

"Sorry," Naruto laughed.

"But this is so important," Lee lowered his voice. "It is about the KH Pact."

"That's been coming up a lot recently," Sakura murmured. "Lady Tsunade questioned you both about it, didn't she?"

"Yeah, but that's not it," Naruto said. "We went to speak to Shizune about it, but we discovered she was in disguise as Grandma Tsunade and performing her jobs for the day."

"That doesn't make sense," Sakura protested. "I passed Shizune in the corridor less than five minutes… No way."

"Sakura?" Lee was confused.

"Are you telling me that Lady Tsunade is disguised as Shizune and wandering around the hospital as we speak?" Sakura asked, her tone serious. "She could be seconds away from discovering the KH Pact! Especially since I came so close to pretty much relaying the details all over again."

"Exactly," Naruto sounded solemn.

"We must locate and detain her," Lee said, with Gai-like determination.

On the other side of the door, Tsunade shivered. This was slowly forming into one of those gruesome murder mysteries that are linked with the detectives comrades. In her head, she envisioned a bloodied heap of corpses strewn for experimentation in the hospital basement, and those discoveries eventually led the exhausting arrests of those comrades, as well as the discovery that Kakashi was the overlord who organised her capture and wanted her dead. Suddenly, with those kinds of thoughts racing through her brain, Tsunade couldn't trust anybody but herself and Tonton, who was elsewhere in the building. However, their recent discovery of her being there didn't deter her - it gave her some kind of determination, not quite Gai-like, but getting there.


	4. 4: Lockdown

**A/N: Hi, everyone! Here's the next chapter of my latest story (actually posted on time as well) - so I hope you enjoy it!**

**Chapter 4: Lockdown**

Tsunade swiftly set to work, using Shizune's keys to search each individual drawer, hoping to find the videos she so desired. She eventually stumbled across a drawer that read "Security Tape". Opening it, she checked the dates on each one. The tape from two days ago was missing, as was the one of Lee's escape, Sasuke and Naruto's battle and Sasuke's escape. Someone had purposely removed those tapes.

Tsunade realised she wouldn't be able to continue using Shizune as a disguise. Somehow, she had to find a way to disguise as one of the nurse's. The alternative was sneaking around as herself. She didn't know what the nurse's all looked like, other than Shizune and Sakura.

Tsunade sighed. Her lack of knowledge had led her down a ditch. Tsunade looked around and then saw a vent. The doorknob turned. And then turned again. Tsunade remembered she'd locked the door. She ran for the vent and leapt into the air. She pulled the door open, and then, jumping again, she crawled into the confined space, pulling it shut behind her.

The door opened.

"There was someone in here," Sakura said aggressively. "She was here. I know it."

"Hey, Sakura," Naruto sounded uncertain. "If Granny Tsunade did discover the KH Pact then-"

Sakura held up a hand. "Lady Tsunade can never know what happened. If she found out, other people could as well, and before we know, the whole world could know about the KH Pact and the secret it binds. And the embarrassment of it all..."

Naruto was silent for a moment. "OK."

Tsunade started shifting her way through the vent, her hearting thrashing in her ribcage. This KH Pact seemed more like a murder secret rather than the secret of why the hospital was so useless.

She shifted past an opening and peered down through the vent door into the room below. It appeared to be an office room. She waited for a moment to make sure no one was inside, before dropping down into the room and taking a look around. It turned out she was in Shizune's office, the one room where only Shizune held the key. It felt like a safe room. Tsunade made that her Base of Operations.

Wherever they were hiding the KH Pact secrets, she would find them.

She climbed back into the vent, and decided she would find Tonton. She crawled through the ventilation system, looking down each time a grating revealed clinical hallways below, in hopes she'd see Tonton, and being careful no to fall through. She peered into the waiting room and saw Tonton sitting on the receptionist's desk, absorbing the given attention like a sponge.

Tsunade changed her mind. That traitor could wait out in the open and be found. It was one sided either way, because Tonton didn't know where she was, and the only information she could disclose was that Tsunade was present, which Sakura and her "thugs" had already gathered, making that juicy bit of information invalid.

She returned to her Base of Operations. She drew out a map of the hospital and inspected it with new eyes. There were so many rooms, but she knew that the videos would never be left in any of the patient rooms. There were the kitchen, the storage cupboard, the operation room and the examinations room. She would've guessed the examinations room out of any of those, but checking them all would be worth it. She worked out her various vent routes, and then chose the quickest way there. Her journey was cold and cramped, and Tsunade wondered when the next time she breathed non-sterilized air would be. _If _she breathed it again.

Tsunade peered down into the storage cupboard. It was where the unprepared food came, ready to be selected and used by the chef to create something tasty. Not many people went in there during the day; it was only busy at breakfast, lunch and dinner. Now was none of those times.

Tsunade waited a couple of heartbeats, and then dropped down from her vent. She rummaged through the food piles checking every nook and cranny and even using her sheer strength to break the locks only to find the orders and the bills. She checked those too, since money in Konohagakure was spent on community buildings and their needs and she'd always wondered what some of the expenses were.

However, she found no video tapes, especially some that held the specific dates she searched for. Tsunade scrambled back into a vent and closed the door behind her. She had other destinations but she'd have to return to her Base of Operations for that.

Dropping down into the compact little room, she checked the large spread of paper again. She was just putting the kitchen off, since there would be many people there, however, she liked the examinations room and operation room less; there were less hiding places. It had dawned on her during the day that there was a possibility the tapes had been destroyed, and that she was acting in vein, but stubborn perseverance kept her going, and she knew she couldn't use the "Hokage should know everything" tactic, since her own student seemed prepared to annihilate her just to keep the secret hidden.

She climbed back into the vent and crawled along the kitchen route. Just as she was nearing the kitchen, an alarm sounded, a high pitched screeching that was fortunately blurred by the metal casing of the vents, but still shrill and clear as a bell. She checked under her hands to make sure she hadn't pressed something like a fire drill, but there was nothing there, and fire drill alarms would not be put in the ventilation system anyway, since they weren't used as travel routes.

Tsunade crawled towards the kitchen entrance and saw everyone filing out. She took that as a golden opportunity to search the kitchen, and also felt extremely lucky. Once everyone had left for certain, Tsunade jumped down and ransacked the kitchen in her search for the video tapes, but was yet again unsuccessful. She was not careful because she needed to be quick, and she was not ashamed to let them know she'd been there.

She grabbed a particularly nice looking sandwich and chomped down, chewing like a cow as her mind processed her every thoughts. The only other options she could think of now were the other two rooms. Any alternatives were that the video tapes had been destroyed, or sent off to some KH Pact hideout. If there was one.

However, Sakura's desperation to prevent her knowing about the video tapes' existence, let alone their contents, hinted that they were in this building. Sakura was a smart girl, but due to pure luck, Tsunade was smarter. Sometimes.

Tsunade finally decided to listen to what the alarm had alerted and whether it was anything to do with her. She chewed on her snack, waiting for a woman's voice to scream "Fire" or something else drastic. However, what she heard was not what she had been expecting.

_Complete lockdown. Complete lockdown. Please head to the lobby for briefing. All usual exits and entrances have automatically sealed. Complete lockdown. Complete lockdown. Please head…_

Tsunade dropped her sandwich. This meant war.


	5. 5: A Revelation

**A/N: Hey everyone, I know I didn't put Chapter 4's existence in my profile "What's Happening", but I always forget! Here's the next chapter - I hope you like it!**

**Chapter 5: A Revelation**

Tsunade bundled a collection of edible foods in her green cloak, and then carried the food into the vents. She crawled through the vents with her stash and then left the food in her Base of Operations. It was enough to last her some time, but if this KH Pact business stretched on for any longer, she'd have to keep stealing food from the kitchens and store rooms, which wasn't her ideal situation.

Tsunade checked her map again and then headed off to the examinations room. That would be the one room that was less frequently used, as it was often used for looking at dead bodies. Tsunade checked first, but then she dropped down and opened all the shelves. Everything was in perfect place, but she unplaced it all just to find that yet again, she was unsuccessful.

Her ransacking was getting careless but she knew that they'd never guess the vents. Besides, she felt she was getting close to the secret of the KH Pact. It was boiling in her blood and thrumming through her bones.

Tsunade clambered back into the vents and closed the door behind her. She scurried through, and back to her Base of Operations. There, she briefly checked which vent path she needed to take to get to the operation room.

She jumped back into the vents, and crawled all the way to the operation room. She was aghast to find that an operation was underway. She recognised Sakura and also that nurse she'd seen in the lobby. She hadn't noticed, but she assumed the alarm had finished its calling. The lobby nurse was handing the medical instruments to Sakura.

Tsunade leaned closer, just as the lobby nurse looked straight at her and briefly but barely shook her head. Tsunade leaned back out of sight. That nurse had just seen her. She used her ears to listen to see if anything happened. Nothing. But then, why would the nurse bring her up during an operation?

Tsunade was running out of time. She raced back to the Base of Operations and furiously devoured a sandwich. When she'd left they'd been finishing up with the operation. She had so little time left before she was discovered.

Tsunade had checked everywhere, and for some reason, that lobby nurse had suggested the videos weren't in the operation room. She couldn't trust that nurse, and yet, at the same time, she knew she should.

Tsunade realised she'd chomped through another two sandwiches during her thought processes. She listened at the door to determine if there was any commotion.

She climbed into the vents and crawled around a bit, trying to find some information as to where the video tapes were. She paused when she saw Sakura walking through the corridor, her pace rushed. Tsunade paused and watched for a moment.

Sakura glanced from side to side, then pressed her palm to the wall. A door opened and she walked through. Tsunade gaped. She'd never known that had been there. It was the secret to the KH Pact, and she suspected that was where they held meetings and devised plans against her. She could also safely assume the Third Hokage had known about the secret passage as well...

She scurried back to her Base of Operations and leapt down, then jumped when she saw the room was occupied. The lobby nurse sat comfortably in her seat.

"How did you get in here?" Tsunade gasped.

"The same way you do," the lobby nurse replied.

"Who are you?" Tsunade demanded. "How did you know I would camp out here?"

"You can be predictable at times," the lobby nurse made a hand sign. "Transform release."

Suddenly, Tsunade was looking at Kakashi. She should've known. The smart arse attitude and perfect sense of timing.

"So, why are you here?" Tsunade asked.

"Technically, I thought you could use some help," Kakashi replied. "Do you know where the secret entrance is, yet?"

Tsunade paused for a moment and then nodded.

"Good," Kakashi leant back in the chair. "I wanted to tell you that you're so close to learning the KH Pact. I'm not going to stop you, since I'm only a Technical Member and they don't know that. I came with a message from Shizune."

"That traitor," Tsunade growled. "If it wasn't for her, I could still be walking around disguised as her."

"Not quite," Kakashi shook his head. "Lee and Naruto actually forced Shizune to reveal herself. Although they said 'talk', they actually held a kunai to her throat. Sometimes, direct attack can release a Transform jutsu."

"Those scoundrels," Tsunade hissed. "Is Shizune OK?"

"No," Kakashi replied. "They're actually holding her hostage in that secret room. Her message is that all your answers are down there. Room 026. That's where the video tapes are."

"Are you telling me that she's been travelling through the vents this _whole_ time?" Sakura demanded from the other side of the door.

"How did they find out?" Tsunade gasped.

"You left the kitchen one open," Kakashi said. "Naruto found it before I got there, so you can't use those anymore. They'll gas them."

"What?"

"A sleeping gas," Kakashi held up his hands. "Nothing dangerous. You'll have to be cautious."

"Aren't you coming to help me?" Tsunade frowned.

"Sorry?" Kakashi said.

"You keep saying 'you' as if I'll be doing this alone," Tsunade scowled.

"Oh, yeah, you will," Kakashi pulled out a book. "I'd rather read this."

Tsunade blinked, wondering whether she'd heard right. She could definitely confirm that Kakashi was one of the most annoying people in the whole village. However, she was in a rush, so she couldn't inflict physical pain upon him. Yet.

She punched through the door of her Base of Operations, just as she heard the whistle of gas. She looked up and saw the vents had been patched up. It appeared that Kakashi had been right.

Tsunade stormed down the corridors until she reached the place where Sakura had revealed the hidden room. Tsunade tried the same thing, but whatever lock was there didn't left her through.

Tsunade smiled. No lock could stop her.


	6. 6: The Video Tapes

**A/N: Hey everyone! I freaked out when midday had already passed and I hadn't posted my next chapter, but here it is! Hope you like it!**

**Chapter 6: The Video Tapes**

Tsunade's fists smashed the door down and she stormed down the secret room. She was surprised to see eerie, stony steps and the musty smell reminded her very much of a pyramid. Tsunade's steps echoed and the further down she got, the more she noticed how this part of the hospital was torch lit.

She swallowed as she finished the last step and then looked down a dim corridor that promised fear and misery. However, along the way, there were rooms. 001 and 003 were to the left whereas 002 and 004 were on the right. She was looking for 026, which would be on the right.

She raced down the corridor and peered into room 026. There was a simple chair and many steel cabinets. One of the drawers read "The KH Vids". Tsunade was on them immediately and opened the door to see that she was right. These were the missing tapes that had to be cut from the canon series for "cool and awesome" purposes. After all, how many disappointed people would watch, bored, as she flicked on the screen and demanded to raise the hospital's security?

She searched the room for a video player. She found one that was attached to a small, box-like TV. Tsunade put the most recent video in, the one that occurred two or three days ago; she wasn't sure anymore.

The video flickered on.

_A man walked into the lobby. He paused and looked around, despite wearing patient's robes. No one paid any attention to him. He started walking for the door when the Kaori, the receptionist, waved him over. The man hesitated, but walked over._

"_How are you, sir?" she asked. "What can I do for you today?"_

"_I'm good," he said nervously. "I was just leaving."_

_She looked up and then smiled. "Sure thing! Have a good day!"_

_The man left._

Tsunade's brow furrowed. Surely the KH Pact wasn't based on Kaori. If the secret of Konohagakure's hospital failure was a dumb receptionist, she would blow a fuse.

Tsunade searched through the tapes and then looked at the next one. The battle between Naruto and Sasuke.

She played the video. It flickered on.

_It was the same lobby scene, except Naruto and Sasuke walked in, both boys of twelve. They were still wearing patient's clothes, and neither looked in good shape._

_They walked up to the desk. Sure enough, Kaori was there. She smiled at them both._

"_How can I help you?" she asked._

"Send them back to their rooms," Tsunade murmured.

"_We were just heading up to the roof," Naruto said smoothly._

_Kaori nodded. "Go on right ahead."_

The video ended. Tsunade knew that the roof was out of bounds for non-staff. Kaori wasn't allowed to have let them through. Tsunade played the next video of Lee leaving the hospital. This was beginning to look like a dumb receptionist issue. Obviously they'd hide it - kids never liked seeing people get fired because of them, and Shizune would never rat out a colleague. Kakashi? No one knew...

_Lee walked into the lobby and looked around the room. He then went up to the desk where, surprise, surprise, Kaori was, filing her nails. She looked up and smiled at Lee._

"_I am just going outside to work on extra training so that I may attain my skill and youth," he explained._

_She didn't even hesitate. "There's a garden right on that way."_

_Lee walked in the direction she pointed. Then Kaori looked up at the camera._

The video ended. Tsunade narrowed her eyes. Was Kaori purposely giving the hospital a bad name, or did she feel sorry for the patients and break the rules for them? Tsunade played the final tape: the day Sasuke left the hospital and where he would later leave Konohagakure. The day that changed all their lives.

_Sasuke entered the lobby. He looked over at the desk and smirked when he saw it was Kaori. He walked straight up to the desk._

"_Hey, I was just about to leave," he said._

"_Aww, OK, well, have a good day," she said, despite Sasuke being covered in bruises and scratches._

"_I will," he said distantly._

_She watched him go and then checked the camera once more. Then Kaori smiled._

_It wasn't one of her friendly receptionist smiles; it was plotting and devious._

The tape ended and the room was plunged into darkness. Tsunade stared into space. Whatever was happening in the hospital, she should've noticed before. Someone should've told her about that final tape, though...

She ran her hands through her hair and then blew out a breath. Why hadn't anyone told her about _any _of these tapes? Or was it that Kaori was the one who had been taking the videos off the database with the aid of those who didn't want her to get in trouble?

Tsunade felt she had walked into something far more dangerous than she'd ever intended. It dawned on her that she was at the heart of their base and that Shizune was somewhere down here. That was, if Kakashi hadn't led her into their trap.

Was this the secret to the uselessness of the Konohagakure hospital? A receptionist who was everyone's friend so they didn't want her, Tsunade, to fire her. However, Tsunade had seen Kaori's smile. There was something else happening here that she was sure was Kaori's personal reason.

The blonde bitch had an ulterior motive, and Tsunade intended to be the one who would discover it. Tsunade placed the videos back inside their cabinet and then left.

She checked all the rooms for Shizune, but found she was unlucky each time. They were all the same. Rooms with a TV and many steel cabinets. A handle to a blacked out room turned. Tsunade dived into the closest room and hid behind some cabinets. She heard footsteps, and then whoever had been in there was gone.

Tsunade stood and checked the room that had been occupied. Room 029. It was locked. Tsunade frowned. None of the others had been. She broke the lock and walked into the room.

Her blood chilled.

There were thousands of pictures of _her_. Some had kunai in them, other were lashed with weapons, some had black paint smeared over them. All of them suggested her elimination. She was sure someone would've told her about this if they'd known...

Tsunade picked up an article off a steel table and looked at it.

_Princess Tsunade, granddaughter of Hashirama Senju, is to be fifth Hokage._

Next to the headline, someone had written:

_Really? As if._

Tsunade felt someone hit her on the back of head, and she crumpled to the ground.


	7. 7: The KH Pact

**A/N: I know this is a day late - I had a guest over for the day - but it's here now! I hope you enjoy it! I also noticed that I'd missed out a complete chapter (as in, I filed the document but never posted it - smart, I know), so I've put Chapter 5 in, and it now makes sense!**

**Chapter 7: The KH Pact**

Tsunade opened her eyes to reveal a dim, round room that had no furniture or a clinical appearance. It was stony and looked more like a tomb. She noticed Shizune and Tonton tied to chairs with solidified chakra ropes. They were both unconscious. She was in the same position. She tried to break free, but even her brute strength was contained by the chakra ropes. Tsunade looked around the room for her foe.

"That's right, Tsunade," Kaori walked past. "Your strength is no match for my chakra abilities."

Tsunade scowled. "How do you do it?"

"We're all medical experts here, aren't we?" she smirked. "You might not perceive us as that, but we are. All us medical Shinobi are trained in perfecting our chakra so that we can bend it to our every whim. Tell me, Tsunade. Do you know my name?"

"Kaori," Tsunade spat.

"That's right," she sneered. "Kaori Hayashi. It's a coincidence, really… Everything goes with the KH Pact."

Tsunade's mouth dropped open. All this time it had been the Kaori Hayashi Pact?

Kaori giggled. "I know what you're thinking. When the pact was made by those three boys, they intended it to be the Konohagakure Hospital Pact. What they didn't know is that it fit perfectly to my own name. Secretly, they've been defending me behind your back, which just comes to show how much support I actually get."

"What are you talking about?" Tsunade demanded.

"Don't be so rude," Kaori hissed. "You're not in the best of positions."

Kaori pushed a kunai to Tsunade's neck. When she moved away from Tsunade, there was a thin trickle of blood. Tsunade narrowed her eyes. She had no idea how she was going to get out of this.

"Why are you doing this?" Tsunade asked. "Why are you making a bad name for the Konohagakure Hospital?"

"Because I needed to give you a reason to actually come here," Kaori turned and looked Tsunade in the eye. "I've been waiting for three years and never once did you come."

"This could've been easily avoided," Tsunade sighed. "You could've sent a message to me. I would've come straight away."

"That would be too simple," Kaori murmured. "You see, I had to make you suspicious of your closest people. I needed you alone. And the pact they made created the perfect opportunity for me. Everything fell into place just like I wanted it to, and you even did what I wanted. You came sneaking in here, and I'll admit, you did well, Tsunade! I knew you could."

"That Anti-Tsunade room," Tsunade growled. "Room 029. Do the Pact Members know about it?"

"Of course not," Kaori laughed. "All these rooms down here belong to _me_. I know this hospital more than you do, Tsunade, which is why I think you're such an undeserving bitch!"

Tsunade cringed. "Why me, though? Shizune's the head of the hospital. She does the basic running."

"And you're supposed to contribute," Kaori snapped. "You're supposed to come and check on every community building, because people get lazy if you don't, and laziness can easily turn to incompetence. I want to step in before you allow your people to become as incompetent as _you_!"

"Step in?" Tsunade blinked. "What are you talking about?"

"You idiot!" Kaori snapped. "_I _want to be Hokage. I want to guide the people of Konohagakure into victory, and I'll start with even small details such as service quality. This place is _shit _because you never check what happens here."

"It's 'shit' because you let all the patients out," Tsunade growled.

"You watched those videos, Tsunade," Kaori choked. "Don't tell you me you didn't notice all those other members of staff in the lobby who just turned a blind eye to my actions."

Tsunade thought back. Thinking on the smaller details, she did remember. There had been a nurse here and one there. The staff really just did get slack. And it was her fault. Tsunade gritted her teeth.

"Do you intend to kill me?" Tsunade asked.

Kaori smirked. "All three of you. You're the only ones who know about me. But I'm going to kill _you first_."

"Think this through, Kaori," Tsunade pleaded. "You're a young, beautiful woman with your life ahead of you. How do you intend to get away with three murders in one day?"

"Everyone's grown used to turning me the blind eye," Kaori grinned. "Why would poor, stupid Kaori think to murder her enemies?"

Tsunade licked her lips nervously. "Even if I die today, there will thousands of people in Konohagakure and out of here that will suspect you as the murderer. You'll be caught and sent to prison, and your life will be ruined. Trust me. I'm, sadly, nearing my mid-fifties; I think I understand the world more than you do."

"Don't tell me what I do and don't understand!" Kaori howled. "I don't need you peering critically over my shoulder as if you hold any influence over me!"

Tsunade grimaced. Kaori was mad.

"Trust me when I say that I intend for you to die today," Kaori sneered. "Then I'll work my way to the ranks. If an old hag like you can become Hokage at fifty, why can't I become Hokage during my lifetime? I'm a likeable person, and I have ideas. I'll be Kaori Hayashi, the Sixth Hokage. I'll be known and Konohagakure will change for the better. The memory of you will blow away like dust."

Tsunade frowned. "Sakura will know better."

"No, she won't," Kaori smirked. "I'm friends with Sakura. She would never suspect at this point. You see, I've built friendships with all of them, especially that _Jiraiya _of yours."

Tsunade bared her teeth. For some reason, she hated Kaori talking about Jiraiya in that way. It also made sense that Jiraiya would build a "friendship" with someone young and attractive... Typical. Really.

"This has gone too far for it to be stopped," Kaori smiled, raising the kunai. "I should've killed you a while back, but I guess telling you how I'll always be better and prettier than you was _just _too tempting. I also wanted you to know _why _you were dying, _why _I've done all this. I needed you to know how myself, a citizen, felt about the slack agenda of the hospital. You die tonight, Tsunade. You die tonight."


	8. 8: Tsunade's Promise

**A/N: Hey everyone! Didn't realise this but... this story has come to an end! It's been fun writing about this - I'm a big Akatsuki fan so this was a little different - and exploring why the hospital in Konoha kinda... sucks? Anyway, thanks for all the reviews I've received on this story (and the support comes along with them!) and I hope the ending is to your liking! ~ PeinKunx**

**Chapter 8: Tsunade's Promise**

Tsunade had to think fast. Kaori flicked the kunai straight towards her throat. Tsunade threw her chair backwards, hearing the two back legs snap from the force. She tilted her head upwards so she wouldn't injure her neck, and rolled the chair over to avoid getting killed on the ground.

Kaori screamed in rage and reached for shuriken. Tsunade used all her back power and rolled the chair over. All the shuriken hit the chair where her throat could've been seconds ago. Tsunade started wriggling to get the binds away from the chair. They wouldn't budge.

Tsunade heard Kaori running towards her. Tsunade had an idea. She waited for the last moment, just as Kaori was near and thrusting the kunai down, to jerk her chair in one movement. The kunai sliced through the chakra binds. Almost immediately, Tsunade was free enough to raise both feet and place a kick in Kaori's stomach.

The girl went flying, but she was still awake and armed with several other cruel looking weapons, which included whips and spiked balls and what suspiciously looked like a summoning scroll. Tsunade readied herself on the other side of the room. The only weapons she had were her hands.

Kaori smiled cruelly and raised another kunai. "We'll keep this simple, Tsunade. Let me kill you, and at least then, it'll be quick."

"You don't understand, do you?" Tsunade tried to sound intelligent. "The idea of Hokage is to protect everyone; not murder and maim to get the position. A Hokage must be as loyal to their subjects as their subjects are loyal to them. What you're doing here is not the actions of a Hokage I would want."

"You still have the nerve to lecture me," Kaori roared.

"Because you don't have the potential of ever being Hokage," Tsunade smirked. "A Hokage is the strongest, wisest and most well-known Shinobi or Kunoichi in Konohagakure. I don't think you brush any of those factors. All the previous Hokage have been honourable people, and you're not one of them. You don't deserve the title of Hokage."

"Neither do you," Kaori screeched and ran for Tsunade.

"Admittedly, you might be right," Tsunade smiled. "The reason I became Hokage was because people wanted me to. I was chosen by them, not by myself."

She dodged the kunai that slashed in her way. Tsunade knew that Kaori could never defeat her. She was one of the legendary Sannin whereas Kaori was a chunin level Kunoichi. Tsunade swung her fist and caught Kaori in the stomach once more.

The girl went flying and hit the wall. She was still conscious. Kaori climbed to her feet. Tsunade frowned. She didn't want to seriously hurt Kaori, but if she kept coming towards her with murderous intentions, she wasn't sure how long she could keep up the semi-friendly act.

Kaori rushed towards Tsunade, but played a different trick. She threw three kunai at Tsunade, still holding the one she had originally attacked with. Tsunade leapt to one side, but one of the kunai caught her side. She winced as blood spread across her waist and soaked into her shirt.

Tsunade looked at Kaori to see her making a hand sign. Tsunade leapt away from the kunai just as the explosion occurred. The blast sent her flying, and she crashed headfirst into the wall and fell to the ground. Letting her guard down had been a bad idea after all.

Tsunade touched her forehead, glad that the gem was still intact. However, her hand still came away red and her vision was still blurred, just as Kaori rushed at her for the final blow. Tsunade dodged that, but Kaori landed a kick in Tsunade's wounded side.

Tsunade cried out and fell to the ground, her teeth gritted. Kaori brought her foot down on Tsunade's stomach. Tsunade knew she was winded instantly. She glared up at Kaori.

"What a shame," Kaori purred.

Suddenly, a small pug leapt at Kaori and latched onto her arm. A couple of other dogs grabbed onto her arms and legs. Kaori cried out as a massive bulldog launched itself at her and pinned her to the ground. Tsunade squinted through the blur and Kakashi peered at her with some other jonin.

"I heard a crash," he then looked at Kaori. "Didn't think it would get so intense."

Tsunade passed out.

When she opened her eyes she was in a clean hospital room with bandaging at her waist and head. Tsunade breathed a sigh of relief. Everything turned out to be OK. Kakashi and Shizune, who was holding Tonton, led Naruto, Sakura and Lee into the room. The three teenagers looked forlorn.

"We're really sorry, Lady Tsunade," Sakura grimaced. "We should've just told you the truth about the KH Pact."

"I am a dishonourable Shinobi," Lee cringed, on the verge of tears. "Gai Sensei told me he was very disappointed in me, when all I've ever wanted to do is to make him proud. I am very sorry."

Tsunade frowned and he turned away to wipe his eyes and sniff. She looked at Naruto and waited.

"Sorry, Granny Tsunade," he grinned. "You did pretty good though for an old lady!"

Tsunade smiled. "It's OK. You only knew half of it, despite making the pact. I've learnt just as much as you have."

They looked surprised, and Lee looked hopeful as he looked over his shoulder.

"I should pay more attention to my people as Hokage," Tsunade admitted. "I should inspect all the community buildings, just in case if anything does go wrong, or people do start slacking a little… It's only the little things that make the start of a great Hokage. I promise to visit the hospital more often from now on."

She looked at Naruto as she said this, and he glanced away, embarrassed.

"By the way, speaking of the hospital," Shizune added. "Due to all the mess you created in the kitchen and the examinations room has left a lot of expenses on your shoulders. Perhaps you can spend some money on the hospital rather than your gambling addiction. The bill's just beside you."

Tsunade looked at the huge expense laid out for her. It would take forever to earn that money. And no gambling? Suddenly, her promise seemed more like a burden.

**~The End~**


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